Thursday, April 23, 2015

a normal day or so i thought

Hey guys. Life's been good. At least, it was.
My depression has been kicking me sideways into gutters the past few days.
I've been acting as cheerful as possible to try and hide it, and it's working extremely well.
Even today, my boyfriend said "I like cheerful Faith."
It's not real.
None of it is.

I would never cry in school. I forbid myself.
And I will not cry in front of him, or anyone else.
Not from emotions.
Not from that. Ever.
I swear on it.

People who don't hide their emotions get asked questions. I detest questions, and I detest nosy people.
No, you're not simply "curious" or "caring." You're nosy.
If you're sticking, not just your nose, but your whole freakin head into someone else's business, then you're nosy.
If you inquire, then they tell you flat-out that they don't want to talk about it, and then you still persist, then you're a pest, and I hate you.

I swear. It's probably not a great idea to bottle up emotions, but I don't care. And that's not an "I don't care" of neutrality. It's an "I don't care what kind of punishments or repercussions happen as a result of my actions".
It doesn't matter.
I've just passed the point where I really give a damn what happens to my life anymore.
There are no high points of it. Every day is exactly the same.
Nothing good comes of achievements, and I already have none.

No comments:

Post a Comment